|by Littlejunko @ dA|
Snow White sat at the edge of the sofa, her eyes glued to the magic mirror, subconsciously lacing her fingers through her long, coal-black hair. The presenter of the National Lottery draw was taking his time with the preamble, allowing Snow to arrange her 100 tickets in neat rows in front of her using her toes.
Her concentration was momentarily disrupted by a loud crash from the palace courtyard, followed by a torrent of profanities that would have made even the Big Bad Wolf blush.
'So, my charming husband is home,' she thought to herself, and wondered which of his favourite fancy girls he'd spent the day with this time; the mile long strand of golden hair on his suit jacket had given the game away last weekend. As the years of potion and fairy dust abuse began to take their toll, her Prince was becoming careless.
She, on the other hand, had been the picture of stealth and deception when she had borrowed Hans' golden goose for the week. It had been thanks to the many-carated egg she produced that Snow had been able to buy herself such a big chance of winning the draw tonight. Having been surrounded by Kingdom politics her whole life she was very aware at the tumbling value of gold eggs in the current economic climate, and decided that the only way she could provide for her seven saviours would be by winning the lottery.
After all, she didn't need the money herself, but was determined the dwarves would have a secure future when they retired. She had given up asking the Prince - he refused to cough up a single copper coin for her rescuers, and Snow was forced to watch helplessly as her friends' potential pensions were drained away on cheap thrills.
So I decided to bring Snow White up to date a bit and move away from the 'happily ever after' idea, and yes, I was definitely influenced by The ASBO Fairy Tales - I would highly recommend this book if you fancy checking out a Jeremy Kyle take on these stories!
I had a lot of fun writing these, and I think twisting fairy tales is a great way of doing a bit of writing practise - if you grew up with these stories you'll already know the plot and the characters inside out and back to front, so all that's left to do is let your imagination run wild!
Read 'Peter Pan wants to learn the piano' here.